He Said She Said | Having a Fire Marriage
Message Recap
NOTE: Most of the principles and statements here relating to marriage are true in our closest relationships with friends. For singles, these principles can help you in your life with those you are closest to.
FAN THE FLAME
Set Boundaries in your life with work and other relationships
Provide Safety for the other person
Lines we don’t cross in communication, actions, and other relationships
Things we don’t say that are hurtful and that trigger insecurities in the other person
REAL vs. FAKE
Think of your marriage/relationships like a fire. It can be beautiful and provide warmth, or it can go wild and destroy.
A fake fireplace is nice. Safe and clean and easy, but it is just an illusion. Fake and surface relationships are easy, but they don’t bring fulfillment or meet the real emotional needs we all have.
INTENTIONALITY
It take intentionality to have real, meaningful relationships.
Without Intentionality is will either burn out or rage out of control
Same things that can fuel the fire can actually extinguish a fire.
Wind
Air can extinguish a fire, but it also fans it. Blow out a candle or blow on hot embers to fan the flame.
Life circumstances can tear us apart or bring us together depending on how we respond.
Intimacy doesn’t happen because of proximity, it happens through intentionality. You can be sleeping in the same bed and still be miles apart.
You either grow daily of die gradually.
Whatever you don’t feed will die.
Let’s aim higher than merely surviving marriage, how about a thriving marriage.Marriage should be about a lot more than learning how to tolerate each other…it’s about falling in love over & over & over again with the same person.
Marriage only works with 2 unselfish people
Submission does not mean inferiority. As well, submission does not mean silence. Submission means “sub-mission.” There is a mission for the Christian marriage, and that mission is obeying and glorifying God. The wife says, “I’m going to put myself under that mission. That mission is more important than my individual desires. I’m not putting myself below my husband, I’m putting myself below the mission God has for our marriage, for my life.”
[Ephesians 4:1-4]
Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.
[Ephesians 4:25]
So stop telling lies.
[Ephesians 4:31]
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
[Ephesians 5:2]
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
[Ephesians 5:21-25]
…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.
[Ephesians 5:33]
So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Another word for submit is “respect”. Read that again substituting “submit” with “respect”. Men are designed to respond to respect, women are designed to respond to love.
3 Principles of a fire marriage
Kindling- Fast Hot Romance
Paper - it burns fast. These are fun things in life and marriage
Little twigs. These are the small things: the daily habits
Big logs. These are the big things. The Biblical principles from Ephesians
Every relationship in danger & has hope because it’s just 2 people.
Discussion Questions
Questions for all:
What is the element in your life right now that either extinguish or ignite your relationship(s)?
What are some ways you can work on increasing the good principles of Ephesians 4 in your life?
What are some intentional things we can all do to improve the relationships in our lives?
How do you think we should include God in our daily relationships?
Questions for marriages:
What kind of marriage do you really want to have?
What’s the next thing that you are really excited to do with your spouse?
What are some practical ways to add the three elements of a fire marriage: fun things, small things, big things? Daily habits, monthly habits, even yearly habits.
What are some lessons you have learned personally or from others in keeping a healthy marriage?
How is God speaking to you as a married person through these verses we just read?
Questions for singles:
What’s the next thing in your relationship(s) that you are really looking forward to that are growth opportunities?
What are some things you have learned about opposite sex relationships that have helped you in your daily life?
How is God speaking to you as a single person through these verses we just read?